


I Know I've Grown, but I Can't Wait to Go Home

by musictomydamagedears



Series: Castle on the Hill - Sam and Grizz [1]
Category: The Society (TV 2019)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Childhood Friends, High School, Homophobic Language, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, No New Ham, Slow Burn, Very minor background Becca/Kelly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-13
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-06-27 07:42:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19786351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musictomydamagedears/pseuds/musictomydamagedears
Summary: "You and Grizz are very good friends," his mother signed."Yes, we're getting married someday!" six year old Sam signed back."I'm sure you are, honey."An Alternate Universe where Sam and Grizz were childhood best friends, and their story up throughout the years as they roller coaster through life. A story of joy, happiness, sadness, love, a childhood innocence, and how two people fell in love when they weren't supposed to.





	I Know I've Grown, but I Can't Wait to Go Home

**Author's Note:**

> Title and plot is inspired by Castle on the Hill by Ed Sheeran. I was trying to do a song fic, but it ended up more like a monster of a one-shot!
> 
> If you enjoy the story, please live a comment and a kudos, and let me know if I should write one from Grizz's point of view. If you want to, you can find me on my tumblr @samandgarebear. 
> 
> Hope you like this almost as much as I liked writing it!

Sam ran. He ran as fast as his 6 year old legs could carry him, trying to get away from the boys chasing him. Campbell did not like him, that much was clear, but little young Sam was way too young to understand why his brother would do this to him. Why he would get all of his friends to join him.

Unable to hear how far ahead he was, Sam turned to look behind him. They were right there, reaching for him. Sam was crying. Tears were streaming down his red, puffed up cheeks. Due to his lack of attention when looking back, his leg got caught in the root of a tree, and before he knew it he was rolling down the forest hill.

It hurt so much. Sam had fallen before, plenty of times, but it never hurt this much. Why was his leg so numb? Unable to understand anything, he just kept on crying, hoping that Campbell would help him and tell his mom. However, his brother never came, so he looked up to see him laughing together with his friends. Harry, Jason, Clark. They all laughed. All except for one.

As the others disappeared, the last boy, one he didn’t recognize, ran down the hill and sitting down next to him. At first, Sam flinched away from him, afraid of what he would do. The boy cautiously reached out a hand for him to grab. Sam could see that he was trying to speak to him, but unable to read lips, he just looked at the boy in confusion and pointed to his leg.

“Owie,” he tried saying, hoping that he could get across that his leg really hurt, and that he couldn’t stand up. His brother always laughed at him when he spoke out loud, and he didn’t want this other boy to laugh at him.

The other boy looked at him, eyes filled with concern and uncertainty. Sam felt bad for him, but he felt bad for himself too. They couldn’t speak to each other, and there was no way for them to find out how to do this together. The boy bit his lip, before trying to mimic something, at least that was what Sam assumed he was doing.

Sam looked up at the other boy who first pointed to himself, then pretended to lift something heavy, before pointing to Sam. He then put his thumbs up, then down. He was asking Sam if he could carry him, he realized. Sam was a small 6 year old, while this other boy seemed to be pretty big for his age, so it wouldn’t be difficult. Still, Sam hesitated. Did he really trust a friend of Campbell’s?

It didn’t take long for him to understand that he didn’t have much of a choice. There was no way he would be able to walk, so he nodded. The brown haired boy smiled a small smile at him, then pointed to his arms before pointing to his back. Did he want to be carried in his arms or sit on his back?

“Back,” Sam whispered, hoping that it wouldn’t hurt too much. It would probably hurt anyway, but he thought that maybe carrying him on his back would be easier for the other boy. The boy nodded, then tried helping Sam to at least stand up on his good leg. After a lot of struggling, the two small boys managed to get Sam up on the other boy’s back, and to get home to Sam’s parents.

His leg did hurt on his way down, but it hurt a lot less than it would if he had to walk, so Sam didn’t complain. Maybe a couple tears rolled down his cheek on their way back, but he was determined to be a big boy, and big boys don’t cry. At least not according to Campbell and his dad.

As soon as they walked inside the house, his mother came rushing. As he had only been deaf for a little over two years, his mother still struggled a bit with the signing, but she knew enough. The other boy put him down in the chair they had in their hallway, standing next to him awkwardly.

“What happened?” she asked the two boys, signing to Sam. “Oh, your leg’s all blue and swollen!”

“We were playing, and I fell,” Sam signed, looking up at the other boy to see if he was going to answer his mother as well. Apparently he did, but as Sam remembered that he couldn’t hear what he had to say, he pouted a bit. What did he tell his mother?

“He says that Campbell was chasing you, and that you tripped over a root,” his mother signed to him, looking concerned and a bit upset. “Let’s take you to the hospital and get that leg checked out.”

“Okay,” Sam signed, wiping the tears from his cheek with his hand. “What’s his name?”

He watched as his mother turned to ask the boy, watching in curiosity. Sam wanted to know his name, wanted to know if his name was as kind as his face. His mother tapped his good knee with a finger to gain his attention.

“G-r-i-z-z,” she signed to him, a smile on her face. “Like a grizzly bear!”

Sam giggled lightly, the other boy looked more like a teddy bear than a scary bear! He signed this along to his mother, who laughed, before telling the boy - Grizz - what Sam had just said. Grizz turned all red, but smiled at Sam nonetheless. Sam smiled back, signing to his mom to ask if Grizz could come with them to the hospital. Only if he wanted to though, Grizz was a friend of Campbell’s after all, and friends of Campbell usually didn’t want anything to do with Sam.

His mother nodded, and he waited patiently as his mother asked him. At the smile on his mother’s face, he suspected it was a yes.

“I have to call his parents first,” she signed, finding her phone and calling Grizz’s parents. Sam looked up at Grizz, trying to figure out what he was thinking. How old was he? Why hadn’t Sam seen him around before?

“What?” Grizz asked him, and Sam luckily understood that word even without sound. It didn’t look like a mean ‘what’, either, it looked like a curious ‘what’.

“How old are you?” Sam asked, unsure if Grizz would understand him. He did though, and the other boy held up his fingers proudly. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. He was seven years old, and Sam smiled. He was as old as Campbell then. Grizz pointed to him, and Sam counted his own fingers before putting six fingers up in the air.

His mother walked back into the room, signing and speaking at the same time.

“I talked to Grizz’s parents, he can come to the hospital and stay for dinner,” she said with a smile, and Sam grinned up at the brunet next to him, signing a thank you that was meant for the both of them. “Okay, but we need to go now, make sure your leg is okay. I already told your father, he’s coming home to look after Campbell.”

Sam nodded, reaching for her so that she could pick him up and carry him out to the car. He hated feeling so small and vulnerable, he was already small enough, and he didn’t want to look like a baby. Not in front of Grizz, who was seven years old!

The drive to the hospital seemed to go on forever, and Sam was really tired after falling and crying. He didn’t want to fall asleep though, he wanted to look at Grizz, wanted to watch him talk to Sam’s mother. He couldn’t understand anything, but the boy was very pretty, and even more when he smiled. Grizz was beautiful, Sam decided.

It turned out that Sam’s leg was broken, but he didn’t mind. He could pick out a cast, and they had a really cool red one that his mother promised they could paint into a spiderman one! He grinned as they put it on, and Grizz gave him a thumbs up. If even Grizz thought it was cool, then it had to be!

The harder part was to decide whether he wanted crutches or a wheelchair. Luckily, his doctor knew sign language, and tried telling him what was good and what was bad with both things. After listening to the doctor and asking his mom, it was decided that the wheelchair was the most good. That meant that Sam could sign freely, and their house was big enough that it wouldn’t be a problem.

Grizz was the one to push him and his wheelchair out of the hospital, and Sam was pretty sure that he had made a new friend. So far, his only friend. It didn’t matter that they couldn’t really talk, Sam knew that he was kind, and he liked kind people.

Luckily for Sam, Grizz was going to stay for dinner, which meant that he had time to play with Sam while waiting for it. His mother found some paper and pens for them, some of his toys, and turned on the tv. Grizz turned off the tv again though, pointing to Sam’s ear and then shaking his head.

“Not fair,” Grizz had said, moving his lips and mouth obviously enough for Sam to actually understand it. It meant a lot to him, and they started drawing instead. It was fun, because drawing didn’t have to include talking, it could still be understood. Grizz held up a black sharpie, then pointed to Sam’s cast. Of course, Sam wanted his mom to draw a spiderman cast, but he wanted Grizz to draw something too.

As the older boy finished up, Sam looked down at his leg to see a drawing of a bear, and he grinned.

“Grizz-bear!” he exclaimed happily, understanding what Grizz had been trying to do. It was beautiful, and Sam loved it. He loved it enough to not want the spiderman drawing over it, he would have to tell his mom that later.

The two had a lot of fun, drawing on each other’s drawings and ‘making them prettier’ - read: ruining. Sam didn’t think he had laughed this much ever, and he was happy with his new friend. He was almost disappointed when his mom walked into the room and told them that dinner was ready. That meant that Grizz had to leave soon, and he didn’t want that.

More than a week later, his mother walked into where Sam was sitting, playing on a nintendo DS. He hadn’t seen Grizz since the day they met, and Sam didn’t like it. He thought that he had finally made a friend, but who would want to be friends with someone that couldn’t hear them? He paused the game to look up at her.

“You have a visitor,” his mother signed, and Sam perked up immediately. A visitor? She smiled at him and continued. “Grizz is here. He and his mum tried learning some sign language for you, but it was British sign language.”

Sam frowned, too young to really understand the difference. Sign language was his language, he knew that, but he didn’t know that sign languages could be different.

“You speak American Sign Language,” his mother smiled at him, telling him that it wasn’t the same, but that he should thank Grizz for trying to learn. Sam nodded, waiting excitedly for his friend to come in.

Grizz walked in with a foolish smile, carrying a present. Sam frowned, it wasn’t his birthday, and it was summer, so it wasn’t christmas. Why a present? He pointed to it in confusion, and Grizz just pointed back at Sam, handing it to him with a note.

Of course, Sam was only six years old, but he had learned how to read when he was two, so it wasn’t too much of a problem for him to read the note. It had also been very useful when he was learning to sign two years ago. Well, he was still learning, going to a teacher every other week, but he was a lot better than his parents and brother! They went to the teacher too, but Campbell didn’t try, his mother wasn’t as fast, and his father didn’t understand too much.

TO SAM  
I AM SORRY I DONT KNOW HOW TO TALK TO YOU.  
I WILL LEARN!!!!  
AND I AM SORRY YOU FELL.

P.S. 6 IS MY LUCKY NUMBER!!

GRIZZ(-LY BEAR)

Sam grinned as he opened the present. It was something in a box, and when he opened the box, he saw a brown teddy bear wearing a t-shirt with the number six on it. It was a grizzly teddy bear!

“Thank you!” Sam beamed up at Grizz, accepting the hug the older boy leaned down to give him. It was a bit awkward, seeing as he couldn’t get up from his chair, but it was a nice hug anyway. Figuring that it would be easier for Grizz to understand him if he wrote rather than speak, he grabbed a crayon and a piece of paper.

THANK YOU FOR ALLMOST LEARNING SIGN WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?

He handed the note to Grizz, who grabbed another crayon before writing something and handing it back to Sam.

‘GARETH’ it read, and Sam looked up at him to see if he could figure out how he said it. It was a pretty name, he decided, so he pointed to the teddy bear, and told Grizz that its name was now Gare-Bear.

Grizz giggled at this, and Sam smiled happily. This boy actually wanted to be friends with him, and he wanted to talk to him. He had never experienced that before. His mother walked back into the room in the middle of the two of them trying to interact and play with his action figures and cars. She tapped Sam’s shoulder, smiling.

“I talked to Grizz’s mother,” she signed. “We’ll take him with us for sign language classes. He will have to start at beginner, but that’s okay, right?”

The beginner classes was every week instead of every two weeks, and Sam understood that that meant that it was more often than his class.

“He goes every week?” Sam signed, looking towards his new friend. “I want to go with him, I can help him learn!”

“Okay,” his mother signed, and Lynette Eliot was already convinced that his son was positively crushing on his new friend. As much as a six-year-old could crush.

So that’s how the summer went by, Sam and Grizz went to a beginner’s sign language class every Tuesday, with Sam’s own sign language class being every other Thursday. The two boys also spent a lot of time together outside of the sign language classes, playing and drawing together.

Grizz was a fast learner, too, so every time they played together, their communication became easier and easier. It didn’t take long before Grizz at least understood Sam well enough that he didn’t have to ask him to slow down as much, and if he was uncertain of any words, he just fingerspelled them to get Sam to show it to him. The two were positively inseparable, much to Campbell’s dismay.

Campbell had talked to Sam about it, saying that it was unfair that he was stealing his friends. But Sam wasn’t doing that? He wasn’t friends with Harry or Clark or Jason? He was friends with Grizz, and he liked Grizz. Campbell never talked about Grizz. That ended up with Campbell pushing him out of the wheelchair and calling him some mean words that Sam yet wasn’t old enough to understand.

Of course, their mom had rushed into the room and helped Sam back in his wheelchair. She yelled at Campbell and sent him to his room, and this made his brother even more upset. So upset that Campbell constantly hid some of Sam’s toys. Sam was careful to never show Campbell the Gare-bear, because he knew that he would destroy it, and he didn’t want his new favorite toy to be destroyed.

Being the little brother, Sam thought that he was the one who had done something bad for Campbell to be like this, so he never told his parents. His parents found out by themselves though, when all of Sam’s electric toys were found in the bathtub with the tap running.

That same day, almost eight weeks after Sam broke his leg, his mom had called Grizz’s mom to ask if Grizz could come over, and the two had watched some cartoons together, Grizz trying to explain to Sam what was going on the entire time. Sam then told Grizz about what Campbell had done, and Grizz got really mad, so mad that he wanted to go hit him, but Sam told him not to. He didn’t want to get anyone in trouble, especially not Grizz.

“Okay,” Grizz signed, but he wasn’t happy to be stopped, Sam guessed. But the older boy sat down on the couch, right next to Sam and looking at his leg. “Are you removing your cast soon?”

“Three days,” Sam signed with a huge grin, he was finally going to be able to walk again! “Are you coming?”

“Of course! I have to help you when you fall.” Grizz told him with a small smile, and Sam just smiled back at him. His mom would probably help him if he fell, but he didn’t tell Grizz that. Sam knew that it was only a week until school started too, and Grizz wouldn’t be able to hang out as much. Grizz was going into 2nd grade, and Sam was going to be home-schooled by his mom.

“I don’t want school to start,” Sam told him, not telling him that he wanted Grizz to be there all the time. The older boy seemed to understand, though.

“I know,” Grizz frowned. “But I promise to visit you a lot, and you can visit me lots, and we have sign language class!”

Because Grizz had indeed been such a fast learner, and seeing that he had spent a lot of time talking to Sam, their sign language teacher had decided that Grizz could start joining Sam in his classes instead. Sam was really happy, because now someone was almost as good as him!

“I will visit you a lot too,” Sam promised, putting his head on Grizz’s shoulder. The taller of the two smiled and grabbed his hand, making Sam smile. It was nice having a best friend like Grizz, and he wouldn’t want any other best friend ever. He had only been at his house once, but that was because Grizz’s house wasn’t really wheelchair-friendly, and his father didn’t like it when he had visitors. It didn’t matter though, Grizz could visit him whenever he wanted.

Grizz stayed there almost until bedtime, and Sam was very grateful that he did. He would have been very upset about all his toys if not. Grizz made him happy though, and that was much better than sad.

“You and Grizz are very good friends,” his mother said, after Grizz had left. Sam nodded, eating his sandwich. Once he was done he smiled at her and signed.

“Yes! We’re getting married one day,” he said, not really thinking much about the fact that they were two boys, and according to Campbell, two boys together was gross. He missed his father almost choking on his coffee, and he missed his mother’s quietly whispered ‘i knew it’, but he didn’t miss how she smiled at him and signed a response.

“I’m sure you are, honey.”

Three days later, Sam was really happy that Grizz came with him to remove the cast, because that saw-y thing was really scary. It helped having his best friend there, holding his hand as he tried to be brave for his mom and dad. They had promised both him and Grizz ice cream if he didn’t cry, and he couldn’t let Grizz down and not get them ice cream.

It went well, and even though it was very weird for Sam to walk again, he didn’t cry. Not even when he fell after trying to walk a bit too soon. Grizz had helped him, just as he had promised, and Sam felt safe. So Grizz kept holding his hand as he tried walking again, slowly able to feel his legs.

As he didn’t cry, instead of driving them home, his parents drove them to get ice cream. They let them pick two flavors each, and Sam was literally bouncing with excitement. Two flavors! He eventually picked strawberry and cookies and cream, while Grizz chose chocolate and cookie dough. Sam asked him if he could try it, and Grizz gladly let him, so they swapped ice creams briefly before deciding that they both liked the one they picked themselves better.

The days became longer and more lonely once school started. He and Grizz went to sign language class every other Thursday, but didn’t see each other too much other than that. Grizz’s parents had signed Grizz up for junior football and told him to quit his tap dance classes - which Sam thought was too bad, because Grizz was really good - and he had a lot of homework, so Grizz just didn’t have as much time for Sam anymore.

However, it didn’t take too long for his parents to realize that he was lonely, so when Thanksgiving came around, they sat him down to have a talk.

“We have noticed that you look sad,” his mother signed, and Sam frowned at her. He wasn’t exactly sad, he just missed Grizz. Missed seeing him almost every day. These past months he had only seen Grizz during their sign language classes and during the weekends, and he was alone almost every weekday. “We want to get you back in school this fall.”

Sam lit up. Back in school? Then he kind of sunk back again, as he realized that he wouldn’t be in the same grade as Grizz. His parents must have noticed, because his dad touched his arm and pointed to his mom.

“We talked about it, with the school too. We’ll have you skip a grade, so that you’re with Grizz. The school has promised us an interpreter for you, but you will have to work really hard. They want you to take a quiz right before summer starts, so that they know you’re ready. So we’ll work on that,” she told him.

He would get to go to school together with Grizz? Sam grinned and hugged his mom and dad tight, signing ‘thank you’ multiple times to them.

“Campbell will be in 3rd grade too,” his mom eventually said with a sigh, and Sam’s eyes widened. He hadn’t even thought about that. Would he want to be in the same grade as his brother? Well, yes, as long as he had Grizz there, everything would be fine.

When Christmas came, Sam had been through everything he was supposed to learn in 1st grade, and his mom had started to gather everything she would need to teach him whatever 2nd grade entailed, starting from New Years. Sam didn’t focus too much on that, though, he needed to find the perfect Christmas gift for Grizz!

“I don’t know what to give to Grizz,” he told his mom as they stood in the middle of the toy store, they had already got something for Campbell, so now the most important one was left. Sam sighed and looked around, grinning as he saw exactly what he wanted to give to Grizz.

“These!” he showed his mother the two books he picked out. The Curious Garden by Peter Brown, and Charlotte’s Web; he was sure that Grizz would love it. Grizz loved nature, and he loved spending time outdoors and cared a lot about different animals. It was perfect, and the boy on one of the covers kind of looked like a mix of him and Grizz, he realized. His red hair, but sitting in nature and reading a book like Grizz would do.

“You want to give those to Grizz?” she asked, and he nodded determinedly. His best friend would love it. He wanted to give him something more, though. He counted the money he had in the wallet where he saved all the money he got, and he realized that he had enough for a toy ambulance he had seen. He dragged his mother along, picking one up.

“All done!” he signed happily, following his mother to go pay for it. He was about to give the man behind the counter his money, but his mother shook his head.

“I’ll pay,” she signed with a smile. “Grizz deserves as much from you. From us.”

Sam grinned, and when he was handed the already wrapped present, he carried it all the way to the car, a proud smile on his face. When he got home, he drew and wrote a Christmas card for him to give to Grizz, putting it next to the present.

TO GRIZZ  
BECAUSE YOU ALWAYS HELP ME WHEN I’M HURT AND ONE DAY YOU WILL HELP WHEN THE PLANET IS HURT TOO

FROM SAM

“We’re leaving to deliver presents. Are you ready?” his mother asked him once he was done with his card, and he nodded. He was excited to see Grizz again, especially since he had only been to his house three more times since that one time during the summer. He ran out to the car, the bag with the present and the card in hand.

Once they got to his best friend’s house, he jumped out of the car excitedly, running out to ring the doorbell. In fact, he was so excited that he forgot his present for him in the car. When he realized that, he turned to his mom in horror, signing and asking her to bring it. He could see her laugh at him, but he didn’t care, because the door in front of him opened, and there was Grizz.

“Hi!” he said excitedly, both speaking and signing at the same time. Grizz smiled and hugged him, signing for him to wait just a little bit. Then he ran off, and Sam motioned for his mother to hurry. She did as he said, and he got the present just in time for Grizz to return with his.

“It’s not much, but I like it, and I hope you do too,” Grizz signed with a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too,” Sam signed, swapping the presents and giving Grizz another hug. Sam’s mother must have seen the interaction, because she suddenly walked over, saying something to Grizz that Sam couldn’t catch. Grizz lit up, though, running inside.

“What did you say?” Sam frowned at his mom, who just smiled back at him. Grizz returned and gave her a thumbs up, saying something that Sam once again couldn’t catch. He didn’t like this feeling of being left out, so he knocked on the door in front of him to get their attention.

“I’m sleeping over the day after Christmas,” Grizz signed excitedly, and Sam’s eyes widened in surprise. Grizz hadn’t slept over yet, and he was very excited for his first sleepover. Something gathered Grizz’s attention, because he looked behind him, frowned, and then told Sam that he would see him very soon for their sleepover. The two boys hugged once again, and then Sam and his mom left.

“Campbell is having Harry on a sleepover that day,” his mom explained to him. “So I thought you would want to have one too.”

She was very right about that, so he smiled and told her so, they didn’t speak too much during the rest of the drive, as his mom obviously couldn’t sign and drive very easily.

“Mom?” he spoke out loud, trying to gain her attention. “I want to read lips, and speak better.”

“Okay,” she signed, looking over at him. “We can practice that too, but that’s a lot of work together with school, are you sure it won’t be too much?”

“I’m sure,” he spoke, hoping that his words were somewhat understandable. He was able to talk when he lost his hearing, so he knew how it should feel, he knew how most words sounded, but he was only four. Four was a lot younger than six.

Sam didn’t think that the day for the sleepover could come fast enough, and his mother joked that he was more excited for that than for actual Christmas. Of course, presents was fun. Grizz was more fun, so yes, he was more excited for that.

When Christmas Day came around, and it was time for Sam to open presents, he knew which one he wanted to open the most. He decided to leave that one for last, though, having something to look forward to.

He got clothes - yuck - from his grandparents on his mom’s side, some new toys from his grandparents on his dad’s side, he and Campbell got a trampoline from his aunt, uncle and cousins Allie and Cassandra, a new DS including games from his parents, and some lego from Campbell. It was all good, but it wasn’t as good as his present from Grizz.

DEAR SAM  
YOU ARE MY BEST FRIEND. THESE ARE MY FAVORITE BOOKS.  
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

GRIZZ

He tore away the paper to reveal a book collection, and he showed them to his mom proudly.

“Look!” he said, carrying it over. She raised her brows in surprise, inspecting it.

“The entire Roald Dahl collections, wow,” she signed, smiling happily at him. Sam wasted no time gathering all his presents and carrying them to his room, he just wanted to read and make the day go by quickly so that Grizz could be there already. His mother laughed at his enthusiasm, but made him go downstairs and eat and spend time with his family. Sam wasn’t too happy about it, seeing as Campbell glared at him the whole time, but he didn’t have much of a choice.

Spending the day reading Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, Sam managed to get it to pass by fairly quick. Not quick enough though. He was so excited for the next day, to have Grizz spend the entire day and night with him.

The next morning, Sam drove his mother pretty insane. He was restless, he was bored, he was impatient, and he was asking her every five minutes if Grizz would be there soon. Eventually, she just signed for him to go do something else, and that she’d get him when the doorbell rang. Sam frowned in dismay, but did as she said. He walked into the living room and started drawing a picture of him and Grizz.

He was deeply concentrated as he sat there, trying to make the drawing perfect for Grizz. His hands didn’t exactly follow his mind, though, so it wasn’t as perfect as he had wanted it to be, but Grizz would be happy, and that was the only thing of importance.

As he saw a car pulling up in front of his house, he jumped out of his seat only to slump back down when he realized that it was Harry’s parents’ car. It wasn’t fair, Campbell didn’t even like having friends, so why did his come first? It wasn’t many minutes after however, even if it seemed like ages in Sam’s mind, that another car pulled up. This time he immediately recognized it as Grizz’s dad’s car, so he ran to the door and opened it in excitement.

Grizz waved at him, getting his backpack and giving his parents a hug before running up to the door and hugging Sam hello. Sam smiled and took his hands, dragging him up to his room to show him the new things he had got for Christmas.

“-I liked your present the best,” he finished off, pointing towards the books on his nightstand. Grizz smiled, and put his thumb and pinky out, hand going back and forward between them. ‘Me too’.

“What do you want to do? Draw? Play? Watch a movie?” he asked, sitting down on his bed and motioning for Grizz to join him. His bed was more than big enough for the two kids, but they had a mattress too, if Grizz wanted that instead.

Grizz joined him on the bed, signing that he wanted to play DS, if that was okay with Sam. Sam nodded, grabbing his DS and his games, handing them to Grizz.

“You play, I watch,” he signed, and Grizz grinned happily. He knew that Grizz didn’t have a DS, so Sam just watched him as he chose a game. That’s how most of their day went along, the DS going between them, and Sam getting a charger as it was running out of battery. They played nintendogs, super mario bros, mario kart, all of Sam’s favorite games. It was a very good day, in Sam’s opinion.

When it was time for bed, Grizz wanted to sleep in Sam’s bed with him, so they did, and when they fell asleep it was with intertwined fingers and smiles on both boys’ faces.

The next sleepover they had was on Sam’s birthday, which was three weeks after Christmas. Grizz hadn’t really planned on staying over, but then Sam had asked if he could, and after a few phone calls, it was decided that Grizz could stay over if he wanted to.

Then they had to wait almost three months for the next one, which was on Grizz’s birthday in April, and this time it was at Grizz’s house. Which was fine, except that it wasn’t as fun. Grizz had the same size bed as him, but Grizz’s parents insisted that Sam had to sleep on a mattress on the other side of the room. Sam didn’t understand why, he just wanted to hold Grizz’s hand, but he wasn’t one to break the rules. So he stayed there, looking over at his best friend who was now eight years old.

In between the time it had taken from Christmas to the day before Sam was going to take the school placement test, Sam had had to do a lot of work. He was doing well in school, he knew that, but he also wanted to be able to have people understand him at school. So he practiced talking and lip reading a lot, both with his parents, with Campbell (who didn’t give him much of a choice anyway), and with Grizz.

“You can do this,” Grizz told him, no signing, as he walked into the school with him the day of the test. Sam’s parents were right behind them, but Grizz had insisted on walking him, wanting to wish him luck. He then signed the next part, to make sure that Sam could understand. “I want you here next year.”

“I want that too,” Sam spoke, a bit more sure of himself when he spoke now than when he had first met Grizz almost a year ago. He then hugged Grizz goodbye, before following his parents into the room where the test was taken. There were three other kids there, he noticed, and he tried to recognize them. Failing to do so, he just shrugged and sat down where the interpreter told him to sit. Then they placed a sheet in front of him, and the test began.

Sam didn’t notice that he was the first to finish, or that he was the only one to deliver his test without looking it over many, many times. He just knew that he had done the best he could, and he was happy with that. So he walked over to his parents and told them that he thought he did well.

After about an hour or so of waiting outside in the school halls, they were called back into the room, this time with no other students there.

The teacher spoke a lot, and Sam tried to follow his interpreter, but there was a lot of complicated words in there that he didn’t know yet. He gathered that he did well, in fact, so well that the teacher asked if he would consider fourth grade, but his parents quickly shut that down.

“He was born in january,” his mother signed and spoke. “So he’s, what, a month younger than some of the kids in that grade. I don’t want him two years younger than some of the people in fourth grade. And his best friend is in third grade next year.”

“Oh, who’s his best friend?” the teacher said, and Sam smiled as he successfully managed to read her lips.

“Gareth Visser,” his mom said, smiling down at Sam. Sam nodded along happily, and the teacher smiled and said that ‘of course it is’.

“Well, Sam,” she said, slowing down as she spoke. “Welcome to third grade in September.”

“Thank you, miss,” he said, confidently. He then walked out of the room together with his parents, smiling as he realized that yes, he would get to be in Grizz’s class next year. Campbell’s too, but he tried not to think about that.

Summer was mostly spent with Grizz; going swimming, sleeping in a tent in their backyards five nights in a row, going to the library to find new books. It was fun, it was carefree, and the two boys had even celebrated their one year of friendship by baking cupcakes with Sam’s mom. It was amazing, and Sam never wanted summer to end. Even if this year, he wouldn’t have to see Grizz go to school without him.

First day of school, and Sam was very nervous. He was sitting in the car together with Campbell and his dad, and they were on their way to pick up Grizz as well. Apparently, their parents had a deal that if Sam’s parents drove them to school, Grizz’s parents could pick them up after school when Grizz didn’t have football practice.

Grizz waved at them excitedly and hopped into the back seat next to Sam, smiling at them and greeting Campbell and his dad before signing with Sam.

“Nervous?” Grizz asked, and Sam nodded, looking down at his hands. What if everyone would hate him? He hesitated before telling Grizz of his fears, but Grizz frowned and took one of his hands and squeezed it. He let it go again, though, to be able to sign to him.

“If they hate you, then they hate me, and if they are mean to you, I’ll fight them,” Grizz said, all serious, and Sam giggled before replying.

“No! No fighting, Grizz,” he signed, still a smile present. “But thank you.”

Grizz didn’t reply, he just took his hand and held it. A comfort they both wanted and needed, sitting there in the car on their way to school. Too innocent to know how cruel people could be to two boys holding hands.

His first day of school went pretty well, Campbell ignored him, Grizz stood by his side, and he managed to get some new friends. Sam didn’t know it before, but his cousin Cassandra was in that class too, so there were at least two people in his class who knew sign language. During lunch, Grizz had introduced him to most of his friends.

The taller boy dragged him over to a table with three girls and another boy, sitting down with them.

“Hi, this is my best friend Sam,” he told them, signing along so that Sam could understand what he was saying. They all waved at him, and he smiled back shyly. “He is deaf.”

A girl with long brunette hair, tied into braids, leaned forward to look at him, saying something that Sam didn’t really catch. He just frowned and looked up at Grizz in confusion.

“No, he can’t hear you, silly,” Grizz giggled, explaining to her that he used sign language, but could also read lips and speak a little.

“Oh, can you speak?” the girl asked him excitedly, and this time Sam actually managed to understand. However, even if he was more confident, he knew he sounded weird when he spoke, so he hesitated a bit. Grizz gave him an encouraging nod, though.

“Hi, I’m Sam, I’m seven. I like reading,” he said, trying to be tough in front of Grizz’s friends. Grizz smiled, then went around the table and told Sam their names, spelling it out in ASL for him.

The girl with the braids was called Kelly, then there was Helena and Luke, and then a really nice girl called Becca. Becca tried talking to Sam, asking Grizz how to sign things, and Sam had a feeling that he and Becca would be really good friends. Never as good as him and Grizz of course, but almost. He would like that.

As the years went by, Sam and Grizz became closer and closer. They would spend every minute of every day together if Grizz didn’t have football practice, sometimes inviting Becca too. Becca was really cool, Sam found out. She picked up ASL even faster than Grizz did, so it didn’t take long for her to be able to participate in conversations in their little friend group. Kelly was with them at times too, even if she struggled a bit with the ASL, but Sam suspected she thought they were a bit too nerdy.

Summer going into high school, Becca, Kelly and Grizz were invited to join Sam’s family on a family trip together with Allie and Cassandra’s family, where they were going camping and staying in cabins. Campbell had three friends with him too, Harry, Clark and Jason, and even if Sam still disliked them, he supposed it was fair. At least they wouldn’t have to share a cabin. Their families had rented three cabins, one two-room for the grown ups, and two three-room for the teens. Allie and Cassandra had invited Helena and Luke, seeing as the two were pretty much friends with all of them.

All the teens stood in the middle of the two cabins, backpacks on the ground, exhausted after the mountain hike up there.

“The four of us are sharing one, obviously,” Campbell said, pointing to himself, Harry, Clark and Jason. “And Luke and Helena can stay with us.”

“Fine with me,” Sam said, shrugging. He looked at the others, pointedly Grizz, seeing if they were okay with the decision as well. Allie signed that she was alright with it, hooking an arm around the waist of her sister. Becca and Kelly both looked at each other before nodding, and Grizz just smiled at Sam. They had all decided who was rooming with who on the hike up, so that wouldn’t be a discussion.

“Let’s see who has which cabin,” Cassandra said, looking in-between the two. One was most definitely bigger than the other. She smirked at Harry, pulling out a quarter. “Heads or tails, Bingham?”

“Heads,” Harry said confidently, and Cassandra nodded. She flipped the coin, sighing as she showed everyone that it was indeed a heads. Great, Sam thought, Campbell did have a tendency to get it however he wanted. Even if this was literally a game of luck, Sam was convinced that his brother had done something to ensure that he got the bigger cabin.

It wasn’t more than two years ago that Sam learned that his brother was a psychopath. He hadn’t found out on purpose, he was getting the mail, and as he put it down on the counter, he noticed the psych referral. Antisocial personality disorder. His brother was a literal psychopath.

“You coming?” Grizz touched his arm and signed, nodding towards their designated cabins. Sam nodded with a small sigh, grabbing his backpack and following Grizz. As far as he knew, one of the rooms had a bunk-bed, and the two others had double beds. He and Grizz hadn’t really shared a bed since they were 11, but he supposed that they would both be fine with it, since Becca and Kelly had already occupied the bunk-bed-room.

“You okay with sharing a bed?” Sam asked, just to be sure, and Grizz frowned at him before replying that it wasn’t like they had never shared a bed before. Sam supposed that was true, but none of them had really hit puberty the last time. Maybe this would be more awkward? According to Becca, Grizz’s voice was now much lower than it had been two years ago, and Sam’s own voice was becoming quite dark too.

The days that Grizz had practice, or for other reasons couldn’t hang out with Sam, Sam usually hung out with Becca. The two had a lot in common, it turned out, more specifically their tastes in movies and TV shows. And quite a similar taste in boys.

Sam wasn’t stupid, he had realized he was gay ages ago. He actually felt he should have realized it sooner, thinking back to his early childhood, especially considering Grizz. He had told his parents that he was going to marry Grizz, and he had always considered the boy beautiful. Yes, he definitely had a crush on his best friend, but he wasn’t going to let that ruin their friendship. Even if he was sure that Grizz wasn’t straight.

However, in sixth grade, someone had convinced Becca and Grizz that they would be perfect for each other. So they started dating, lasting for two months or so before realizing that they would be way better off as friends. Sam was just grateful that it hadn’t ruined their friendship at all.

Allie walked inside the room, most likely after knocking, Sam realized. She smiled at them, asking them in ASL if they wanted to join her and Cassandra in the lake that was just a five minute walk from there that evening. Sam shrugged, signing that he would gladly join. Grizz smiled, saying that he would join too, but that they should invite Campbell and his friends too. Much to all of the cousins dismay, Grizz was right. They should at least ask.

So that’s how all 12 teenagers ended up going down to the lake right before midnight, Grizz and Luke carrying backpacks with clothes, towels, snacks and drinks. It was a lot of fun, according to Sam. Just being a teenager and jumping into the cold lake together with his friends. A perfect start to the new start that high school would be. A new start with old friends, old memories, and a great summer to look back on.

During their seven night trip, this became a ritual for the teens. Eat dinner, wait until the grown ups was distracted enough, sneak back to their cabins and gather everything, then run down to the lake. Their second to last night, however, was different. They pulled out their snacks from their backpacks, before Campbell pulled out a bottle of vodka. Sam stared at it. No way, they were 13 and 14, they weren’t allowed to drink!

“Come on, pussy,” Campbell signed, and Sam could feel Grizz tense up next to him. He put a hand on Grizz’s arm to calm him down. Then he accepted the cup of cranberry juice mixed with vodka, seeing that everyone else was doing the same. Even Grizz was drinking, and Sam didn’t want to be the only one sober.

“Let’s have truth or dare!” Harry suggested, as they were all sitting on the grass next to the lake on their towels, wrapped in warm clothes and drinking vodka mixed with various beverages. Sam wasn’t sure if that was going to be the best idea, but he shrugged. Okay, this could be fun. “I start. Kelly.”

“Truth,” Kelly smiled at him, and Sam wasn’t sure, but he was wondering if Kelly actually had a crush on Harry? It could be a one-sided thing, because Harry was definitely into Kelly, but he wasn’t sure.

“Are you a virgin?” he asked, smirking, and Kelly blushed as he nodded. Sam found himself briefly wondering if any of them weren’t virgins.

“Grizz,” she turned towards Grizz, who was sitting in between Sam and Helena. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare,” Grizz shrugged, and Kelly looked at Becca who whispered something into her ear. Kelly blushed wildly, but nodded.

“I dare you to skinny dip,” she said. Grizz and Sam both froze at that. Now, Sam had never known Grizz to be one to turn down a challenge, so he wasn’t surprised when his best friend got up and started to undress. Sam looked down at the ground, not wanting to know how he would react to seeing Grizz naked. At the exact moment he looked up and over towards the lake, however, that was when Grizz removed his boxers and jumped into the lake butt-naked. Sam swallowed harshly as he watched. He shouldn’t want to watch that.

Becca gave him a knowing look from across the circle, and Sam rolled his eyes at her before looking down at the ground again and waiting for Grizz to come back. When Grizz returned, all his clothes were back on, and Sam was almost grateful that they were. He didn’t know if he could handle sitting next to an almost naked Grizz. It was bad enough sleeping next to him in a t-shirt.

“Campbell, truth or dare,” Grizz said as he wrapped an arm around Sam and pulled him closer. That was another thing Sam liked about Grizz, even as they grew older, they never really stopped cuddling and just holding each other. It felt safe, in a way nothing else could make him feel.

“Dare,” his brother said, and Sam knew that it was because he didn’t want to appear weaker than Grizz. Grizz shrugged, telling him that he had to show everyone the most embarrassing picture on his phone. Campbell smirked as he pulled out his phone, showing everyone a picture of Sam. Sam frowned, not really getting it, but Grizz certainly did.

“Cut it,” Grizz said, glaring at Campbell. “Not funny.”

“You’re right,” Campbell nodded. “It’s not funny, having a brother like that. A little fag. It’s fucking embarrassing.”

Both Sam and Helena held Grizz back from attacking Campbell, even if Sam felt sick at the words. He wasn’t even out yet, and his brother was already calling him gay slurs. Calling him gay slurs was bad enough, calling him gay slurs in sign language was like a punch to the gut.

“Sam, truth or dare,” Campbell smirked evilly at him. Sam sourly put his pointer finger in front of his lips, quickly moving it forward. ‘Truth’. “Is it true that you’re a little faggot?”

Sam didn’t answer, just stared at his brother. Was he really doing this to him? He could see in his peripheral vision that his friends were trying to sign to him and tell Campbell to stop it, but he knew that there was no way he was backing down.

“Is it true? Answer me, you little fuck,” Campbell said aggressively, and Sam didn’t know what to do. “Faggot, too scared to even admit it.”

“I may be gay,” Sam signed, to irritated to acknowledge that he just came out to all the people there who knew sign language. “But that gives you no right to talk to me that way.”

“That’s true. Being your brother does,” Campbell laughed, and Sam stormed off. He didn’t care if he left anything behind, the tears rolling down his cheeks as he walked away from there. He didn’t want to see them. God, what was Grizz going to think about this?

He’d just managed to get back to the cabin and into bed when he could see the door to the room open, Grizz walking inside. Usually, he would be Sam’s first choice for anything, but now he was just scared. However, his best friend just got undressed - not wearing a t shirt this time - and got in next to him.

Sam could feel Grizz wrap his arms around him and pulling him close to his chest as he cried, and Sam just cried even more. This wasn’t how he had wanted to come out to his best friend, not at all. He hoped Grizz knew that. After a while of lying there in his arms, calming down a bit, Grizz gently prompted him to turn around.

Knowing that Grizz would want to talk, Sam turned around carefully.

“So, you’re gay?” Grizz asked him, no judgement on his face. “Campbell was a jerk, I think the girls all gave him a mouthful after I left. I might have punched him, if he has a bruise on his cheek tomorrow.”

“You punched him?” Sam asked, eyes wide in surprise. Grizz shrugged with a smile, signing that it was worth it. “You don’t have to fight my battles, Grizzy bear.”

“I know, but no one talks about my best friend like that,” Grizz said with a small smile, wiping a tear from Sam’s cheek. Sam smiled at him.

“Thank you.”

Grizz smiled back at him, and then it was as if time froze for a couple of seconds. They looked at each other, neither boy moving, until suddenly Grizz was on top of him and cupping his face with his hands. Sam was wondering if this was really happening, or if he was going to wake from this dream soon, when he leaned down and pressed their lips together.

Sam didn’t know how to react at first, where to place his arms, but he then moved one of his hands to tangle into Grizz’s hair while moving the other to his lower back. He couldn’t hear it, but he could feel Grizz’s low moan as vibrations through their mouths, and Sam slackened his jaw slightly to make room for Grizz’s tongue if he wanted to.

He had no idea how long they stayed like that, tangled up in each other and making out. It could have been minutes, hours, days, years even. All Sam knew was that it was amazing, and everything he had ever wanted. Grizz was everything he had ever wanted.

That night, when they fell asleep, it was under one cover. Sam had his head on Grizz’s shoulder, with an arm wrapped around his waist, and Grizz was holding Sam close. It was perfect.

Perfection never lasts, though. Because when Sam woke up the next day, Grizz was already packing up his stuff. Sam frowned, they were staying one more night, why was he packing? To get Grizz’s attention, he hit his knuckles against the bed’s headboard.

“Why are you packing?” he asked with a frown. Grizz turned to look at him in surprise, a blush covering his entire face, no, his entire body.

“Uhm,” Grizz stumbled to find the words. “Luke and Helena had a fight, they asked to swap rooms.”

Sam frowned. Why would Grizz have to change rooms though? And why wasn’t he signing? It wasn’t like he just forgot sign language overnight. He stepped out of bed and over to his best friend, about to touch his arm, when Grizz flinched away from him.

“Look, dude,” Grizz closed his eyes, and Sam was lying if he said that this wasn’t hurting him. When did Grizz start to flinch away from his touch? “Last night, you stepped way out of line. I’m straight. You know that. I don’t- I don’t care that you’re gay, but keep that shit away from me.”

Grizz almost spoke too fast for him to read his lips, but Sam got the gist of it. He stared at what he thought was his best friend, his eyes filled with utter betrayal. Grizz was the one who kissed him, not the other way around. He knew that.

“Stop lying to yourself,” Sam said out loud. “You kissed me.”

“I did NOT fucking kiss you!” Grizz said with a glare, grabbing Sam’s wrist. “And don’t you ever say that again.”

With that, Grizz left the room, and Sam fell back onto the bed in shock. What the hell had just happened? Unable to process anything, he just let himself cry. He could feel the sobs through his body, and from what he had been told, listening to deaf people cry was supposedly even worse.

Becca came storming into the room a couple of minutes later, sitting down next to him and stroking his back. He didn’t calm down, though. Couldn’t calm down.

“Is this because of Campbell?” she asked eventually, when she had managed to get him to at least look at her. Figuring that Campbell was definitely partly at fault, Sam nodded. He didn’t want to elaborate further. “Yeah, Grizz came into our room, said that he was rooming with Luke and that Kelly and Helena, and me and you are rooming tonight.”

What Sam couldn’t understand was why Grizz suddenly had this huge attitude of hatred towards him, and he just broke down again in Becca’s lap. This wasn’t fair. Grizz wasn’t fair. Campbell wasn’t fucking fair.

Grizz and Sam didn’t speak the rest of the summer. Sam had tried texting him, but Grizz either ignored his texts or told him that he was too busy to hang out. For all Sam knew, he could be telling the truth. He had seen him hanging around with Jason, Clark and Luke. They were his football teammates, that was just natural.

For some reason, Sam had thought that everything would be back to normal when school started. He couldn’t have been more wrong. Grizz ignored him completely, blocking his number and hanging out with the football dudes. He even saw him hanging out with Campbell, which was the worst part.

Becca had noticed it too, she had asked Sam what was going on. When he told her that he had no idea, she had marched right over to Grizz and pulled him away from his group to ask him what happened.

“What did he say?” Sam asked when she returned, they sitting alone at a table in the cafeteria. Becca bit her lip, looking down at the table in front of her.

“He’s not allowed to have anything to do with you,” she admitted, and Sam frowned. Why? “Not after you came out. His father is very homophobic, threatened to kick him out if he kept seeing you. Campbell apparently told Grizz’s father that you came out during the trip, and that you and him shared a room.”

“Oh,” Sam blinked. It suddenly made a lot more sense, Grizz’s outburst at him. Somehow, though, he couldn’t shake the feeling that Campbell had something more to do with this. “I need your help. I need to steal Campbell’s phone.”

“Steal Campbell’s phone? What? Why?” Becca frowned. “You think there’s something more?”

“Definitely,” Sam nodded, putting down his lunch and marching over to his brother. He didn’t know if Becca was following, but he knew that he had no way of doing this without her. Stopping right in front of Campbell, he held out his hand. “Give me your phone.”

“As if,” Campbell laughed, and Sam grabbed his wrist harshly, repeating for him to give him his phone. His brother stared at him in surprise, but pulled out his phone and opened up his album. Sam saw it immediately. A picture, taken through a window, of him and Grizz making out. “Is this what you’re looking for? I may have sent it to Grizz, telling him that I know his father.”

“Fuck you,” Sam spat, releasing his wrist and walking out of the cafeteria. He had no right to do that, and Sam knew that there was no way for him to make Grizz believe that things would be alright. There was no way he could convince Grizz that Campbell wouldn’t send that picture, because Grizz was one of very few people who Sam had told about his brother’s diagnosis to. They both knew that Campbell would send that in a heartbeat.

That, however, was the start of four horrible years. Four years of the football players slamming him into lockers and calling him gay slurs in ASL, four years of his brother threatening to send out the picture, four years of literal hell. Four years of no Grizz. Four years of watching Grizz hook up with girl after girl, bragging about all his one night stands. It made Sam sick.

The only thing that had kept him sane was Becca, being there for him and talking with him. He never told her, though. Never told her about what happened that night between him and Grizz, he wasn’t about to out him. Not even to Becca. A part of him was pretty sure that Becca already knew anyway.

A week before graduation, he and his mother was cleaning his room and sorting through his stuff. He had to find out what he wanted to bring to college, what he wanted to stay here, and what he wanted to throw out.

“Look,” his mother said, waving a hand in front of him. Sam turned to look at what she was holding, and his heart fucking dropped right there and then. A brown teddy bear wearing a t shirt with the number 6 on it. Gare-bear. His first ever gift from Grizz. “College or stay here?”

“None,” Sam said, frowning. His mom gasped, asking if he was going to throw it out. She knew that they had a falling out, but she never knew what really happened. However, he knew that she had heard about Grizz’s father being very homophobic. Sam’s eyes widened as he shook his head frantically. “No! I’m giving it back to him. For graduation.”

“Oh,” she frowned, but kept rummaging through the same closet before pulling out the box it once came in. “Here, then.”

Sam nodded, put the teddy bear in the box and then put it on his bed. Of course, after lots of christmases and birthdays, he had a lot of stuff from Grizz in his room. But nothing reminded him of his former best friend just as much as that teddy bear.

He would bring the Roald Dahl collection with him to college, he decided. They were good books, and it would fit with his course. He would be studying Special Education at NYU, and was perfectly content with that. It would be something he would enjoy doing, and he knew that. Becca would be there too, and that certainly made things a lot easier for him. She would be studying art and education, so she was also taking the teacher path.

“Do you know what Grizz is doing next year?” he asked Becca the night before graduation as he slept over at her house. He had spent a lot of his nights there during high school, not feeling safe at home with Campbell there. Becca looked at him and shook her head.

“Environmental engineering, I think,” she said with a shrug. “No idea where.”

Sam thought to himself that it would be a good fit for Grizz. He didn’t know anyone with as much genuine interest for the environment as Grizz had. No one. It was perfect. For the first time in years, Sam fell asleep while thinking happy thoughts about Grizz.

Putting the gown and cap on felt surreal. The day was here. Samuel Eliot was done with high school and could move on with life. Could move on from West Ham. He was incredibly ready and excited for change, tired of the old life he had. He was tired of homophobic assholes, and he was ready to start his new life.

As he was waiting in the hallway together with Becca, he could see Grizz standing alone just ten feet away from them. He signed that he would be right back, taking the box with the teddy bear with him.

“Hey,” he smiled, and Grizz looked up in surprise.

“Sam, hi,” the taller boy said, looking entirely confused at the entire situation. Sam held out the box for him, and he was pretty sure that Grizz recognized it, because he looked Sam directly in the eyes before accepting and opening it. “Gare-bear.”

“Yeah, uh, good luck at college,” Sam said, turning away from him to walk back to Becca. Grizz reached for his arm and turned him around, and now Sam was the surprised one. “What do you want?”

“I have to see if I remember,” Grizz bit his lip, and Sam could practically see him thinking. Grizz then let go of him and put his hands up to sign. Sam watched as Grizz signed, noticing that it did not come as easily as it once had.

I will, always, love, you.

“I will always love you,” Grizz whispered, and Sam bit his lip. How the fuck could he even do that to him? Sam quickly signed ‘you too’, before leaving him there. He couldn’t cry again. It seemed like all Grizz had made him do these past four years was to make him cry.

Becca, of course, asked what was wrong when Sam returned, but he didn’t answer, just kept looking at the door in front of him. In an hour, it would be done. In an hour, he would have graduated. In an hour, he never had to see Grizz again. Ever.

An hour later, as he threw his graduation cap up, Sam had never felt more free.

**Three years later**

“You know what, I think it’s really nice that Kelly invited us all for a barbeque,” Becca signed to him as she stood in front of the mirror and trying on a dress. Sam nodded in agreement. It had been really nice. Kelly was a pretty nice person, at times. “You think she’s still dating Harry?”

Sam knew for a fact that she wasn’t, as Harry was dating his cousin Allie, so he told that to Becca. However, he didn’t miss how Becca lit up at his words, and he gasped.

“You like Kelly!” he signed, a huge grin on his face. She denied it, but Sam knew his best friend, and he wasn’t about to let this slide easily. Becca was already openly bisexual, admitting it after hooking up with a girl from Sam’s dorm their freshman year, but he never had expected her to fall for someone from West Ham. “I get you, she’s pretty.”

“She’s incredibly beautiful,” Becca corrected him, and Sam laughed. So he was right, she liked Kelly. “Okay, we have talked a bit for the past two months or so, I might have a crush.”

“That’s nice, is she bi?” Sam asked, tilting his head as he was awaiting the answer.

“Pan,” his best friend said with a smirk, and he grinned, telling her that she was so getting laid tonight. She mockingly hit his shoulder. “Says you! If Grizz is there, you’ll definitely end up in his bed.”

“One problem,” Sam reminded her. “No one has been able to contact him since graduation.”

“That’s true,” Becca sighed, pulling off her fifteenth dress. “Which dress did you like the most?”

“The green one, with the flowers,” Sam shrugged, and Becca frowned at him as she pulled the one he suggested up. He nodded and gave her the thumbs up. She put it on again, and he smiled. “Beautiful.”

“Talking about beautiful,” Becca looked at him. “You heard what happened to Grizz and his parents? Right?”

“No?” Sam frowned, his curiosity peaking. “What happened?”

“Okay, so this girl Julia in my dorm, her best friend from back home, is Grizz’s roommate. Apparently Grizz came out as gay, and somehow, his father found out, and they’ve disowned him,” Becca signed, and Sam’s heart sank. Grizz’s parents actually disowned him, and if his family didn’t want him and his friends were all homophobic, he had no reason to ever return to West Ham.

“Can you get Julia to give you the address?” he asked Becca, realizing that he really wanted to, no had to, see Grizz again. Give this one last shot. He smiled as Becca handed him a note, as if she had known that he would be asking.

“Georgia State University?” he asked her. That was very far from home, and he was really thinking about doing this. “Are you-”

“He’s single, and according to his roommate, can’t get over someone from his past,” Becca cut him off, and Sam blushed. As far as he knew, he was the only boy from West Ham who Grizz had taken an interest to. “And I’ve talked to your parents. Your flight leaves tonight, so I’m guessing you’re not coming to the barbecue.”

Sam shook his head, kissed her cheek, thanked her, then ran out of her house and back to his parents’ place. He was really doing this. He was going to see Grizz, and he was going to give it a shot. Even if that meant going long distance for a while.

The kind of excitement and nervousness he felt as he sat on the airplane, hours later, wasn’t one he had felt since he was a little kid and Grizz was sleeping over. He was buzzing with excitement, hoping that Grizz had missed him and would be happy to see him.

Finding his way from the airport to where Grizz lived proved to be quite stressful, and Sam was happy that he had rented a hotel room. It was late at night, and probably not a very good timing to go knocking on someone’s door. So after a few hours of restless sleep, he got out of bed and decided to just get an uber. It would probably be the best way to be sure that he was getting there.

Almost two hours later, he was there though, staring at the door in front of him. Here lives Gareth Visser and Louie James. Fuck. Sam gathered the courage, then knocked on the door. The door opened shortly after, but Sam’s face fell at the unknown man in front of him. The other man however, just grinned widely and put up his hands.

“S-a-m, right?” he signed, and Sam was surprised to see him sign. He nodded dumbfoundedly, then watched as Louie called for Grizz. Louie signed that Grizz would be right there, then walked away. Sam just stood there, waiting, hoping he had done the right thing, when Grizz finally appeared in front of him.

“Sam,” he said, obviously in shock at the familiar face in front of him. Sam smiled as he just looked Grizz over. His syle was more refined, a bit more hipster-ish, but Sam did think that it suit him. “What are you doing here?”

“Remember ASL?” Sam asked him, not really ready to speak a whole monologue. Grizz nodded, stepping aside to invite him in as he explained that Louie was studying ASL and using Grizz for practice. “Okay good.”

Sam took a deep breath, then he signed, making sure to take his time so that Grizz would understand everything.

“Ever since I was six years old, I’ve always thought that you are the most beautiful person I know. Inside and out. Ever since I was eleven years old, I’ve known I was gay. Ever since I was thirteen years old, I’ve known what love is. Love isn’t just this abstract thing. Of course, it is, but it’s also so much more. It’s laughing so much your tummy aches. It’s learning another language for someone. It’s sharing a tent and being terrified of the bugs together. It’s feeling safe whenever they’re around. You were that person to me, and I’m so sorry that West Ham is a homophobic and horrible place, but I don’t think we should let this - this love between us - I don’t think we should let it go.”

Sam realized that Grizz must have held his breath, because he suddenly released it, and Sam was sure he could see a tear down his face. Grizz took his hand, leading him further into the apartment and into what Sam guessed was his bedroom. The taller of the two must have noticed his confusion, because he pointed to his night stand.

“As I said,” Grizz signed. “I will always love you.”

Sam looked over, and sure enough, there was the teddy bear. There was the books he’d given him throughout the years. In the middle of it all, a picture of the two of them from their first summer together, Sam still in the wheelchair. Sam was pretty shocked, unsure of what to do. He didn’t have to think for much longer, because Grizz turned him around, wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him closer.

Just like the last time, time froze as they looked into each other’s eyes. This time, however, Grizz moved one of his hands to rest on Sam’s cheek.

“We’ll give this a chance.”

Then he pressed their lips together, and Sam finally felt like everything was how it was supposed to be. Him and Grizz, together against the world.

**Eight years later**

Sam stared out on the dancefloor. Becca and Kelly were dancing close, pressing small kisses to each other’s lips every now and then. He smiled to himself, they were really cute together, and he was very happy when Becca told him that they’d finally gotten together seven years ago, almost a year in the making.

Well, at least it hadn’t been fourteen years in the making, as it had with himself and Grizz. They became official a month after Sam went to Atlanta, Grizz looking up to see if and or when he could change universities to NYU, so that they would be closer. However, that took him two years, but after surviving two years of long distance relationship, Sam was sure that Grizz was who he wanted.

Apparently, he hadn’t been the only one to be sure of that, because New Years Eve, five months after moving in together, Grizz had gone down on one knee. Sam had thought it was a prank at first, but when he realized what was going on, he couldn’t have been happier. They were finally going to get married.

A house, two degrees and two dogs later, the day was finally there, and Sam found himself staring at his husband longingly as Grizz was dancing with Elle. Smiling to himself, he turned to his mother.

“Hey, you know, I did say we would get married one day!”

His mother turned to him with a wink, smiling.

“And I said that I was sure you would.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know if I have to add any trigger warnings, or anything! If you enjoyed this and want to see it from Grizz's point of view, let me know by telling me on tumblr (@samandgarebear) or leaving a comment! 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! xx


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